As the days go on, the more and more I think of him. The more and more my attachment forms to him. We don't talk much and we very rarely see each other but for some reason, my heart holds on.
I think about the times we had, the good and bad. As I think of the good, I know that what we had was something special but when I think of the bad, it is all more reason we shouldn't be together. As the thoughts continue, my heart holds on.
Every interaction with him is intense, the conversations are deep and the sex, makes me feel like the world stops and there is only him and I. Every time we touch, every time we kiss, everything down to the beads of sweat, touch my soul and the more my heart holds on.
Why? I ask myself. I don't know how many times I have blocked his number, ignored his text messages, avoided him when I saw him out and some how way or another, he continues to get back in to my life. I know we shouldn't be together, I know now isn't the time and most likely never will be the time but for some unexplained reason, he is who I want. I can't shake it, I can't explain it and the more I try to understand it, it just drives my heart to hold on to my thoughts of him and what we could be.
The key phrase, "I know now isn't the time," has made the situation easier. My mind, my heart and my body are calm and have become still waters because knowing and realizing that something isn't meant to be, whether at all or at that moment helps me deal with the present situation. It doesn't take away the desire that I have and unfortunately doesn't help me with any relationships I try to form, but gives me mental and emotional stability. As the time goes on, the more I realize that my time isn't now. I have to work on moving on but I am not in control of what my heart wants and I am not in control of who my heart loves. What I am in control of is what my mind knows.... As my mind lets go, my heart continues to hold on....
Til the next time,
Peaches Jones
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