Why Does SHE Matter?

I wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and what do I see looking back at me? A "cute" girl. I am 26 and I still see myself as the 16 year girl I was in high school, just without the braces. Mentally I feel like I have matured, emotionally I have grown and I am working on my spirituality. My self image is what I struggle with. I don't think of myself and hate myself,f no, no, that is not where I am going with this. My self image, still needs work. So this is when SHE comes in to play. 

I have this image of what a "real" woman should be. She is sexy, she's voluptuous and curvy, she is confident, funny and when she walks in a room, everyone stops and stares. SHE exists, SHE is out there and it is just my luck, I work with SHE. 

SHE comes to work in 6 inch heels, her clothes fit every curve perfectly, she wears fake eyelashes, make up, and her hair pulled back in to a long ponytail. SHE walks in a room and everyone looks, SHE speaks and everyone listens, SHE does and everyone follows. And when I am around her, I feel like I should be doing something different. I come to work in flats, my clothes aren't form fitting, I don't wear makeup and I wear glasses everyday. I walk in to a room and no one notices, I speak and I have to repeat myself, I do and everyone questions why. SHE is the bane of my existence.

The more I work with her the more I find myself trying to match up to her. I'll come to work in heels a couple of days, bring out the form fitting skirt, take off the glasses, pop in the contacts and put some mascara on my eyelashes. But when I do this, I feel awkward, I feel out of place. I have no problems doing this outside of work but SHE does this EVERYDAY. So why does SHE matter????

I have found that this is a common problem for girls/women. It may not be like my situation where it is a specific person but just may apply to women in general. Have you ever been somewhere and just sat back and watched the ladies around react to the other ladies around them? Have you ever seen an attractive female walk past a lady or group of ladies and instead of acknowledging her style, her confidence or even just her beauty, they begin to pick her apart? "What does she have on," one will begin to say and it is followed by, "Who does she think she is?" and the comments continue to spew out. I hate to say it but, they are insecure. We all are. Fortunately, I refuse to let my insecurities form in to negativity towards anyone else. I guess the down side of that is instead of me aiming towards someone else, I aim it towards myself. I am not harsh on myself but I find myself doubting what I bring to the table. 

I may not look like Jessica Rabbit but I hold my own in my little 16 year old self image. I used to think that by me working with SHE it was a joke from God and He was laughing at me. But now I do not see it that way, I see it as a test. A test that I so far have failed. Instead of me trying to emulate her, I should focus on my beauty, in and out. It isn't about how a female looks, what she wears, how she dressed or the size inch heels she wears but the confidence she exudes in her presence. Confidence comes from within and oozes through your pores. I need to regroup, I need to remember that yes SHE is beautiful, SHE is smart, SHE is funny, SHE is SHE and I am all the above and even more because I am ME. It isn't meant for me to be Jessica Rabbit, it isn't meant for me to be SHE, it is meant for me to be ME and only ME and that is what sets me apart from the rest. 

Til the next time,

Peaches Jones